Well this explains everything
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the wheel.
Beer required grain and that was the beginning of agricultural.
Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. Thats how villages were formed.
The wheel was invented to get man to the beer and vice versa. These two were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups;
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives
Some men spend their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were less skilled in hunting (called 'vegetarians' which was an early human word meaning of 'bad hunter') learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up at their nightly BBQ's and do the sewing, fetching, and hairdressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these Liberal men evolved into women. Others became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs and the concept of democratic voting to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.
Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the donkey for obvious reasons.
Modern Liberals like lite beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottle water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard Liberal fare. Another interesting side note: many liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
Most college professors, social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, film makers in Hollywood, group therapists and community organizers are liberals. Liberals muddled in our national pastime and invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink real beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are members of military, big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, airline pilots, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a liberal may have momentary urge to angerly respond to this post.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be shared immediately to other true believers and to just piss off more liberals.
And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self. I'm going to grab a few beers and grill some steaks!
