All That is Really Important is Time Sorry for the long post.

We go online to this site, we talk about hunting and fishing, things that we enjoy, things that make out lives more enjoyable. We share our good fortune and our missed shots with others with similar interests. We share our knowledge with others, and learn from others, and that is good.

We also have the off topic area where the discussion turns to everything from politics, religion, government, and laws. Some of the longest post seem to be in the off topic area, and also where the greatest number of arguments start. I haven’t checked, but I’d be willing to bet that there are more locked threads in Off Topics than in any other areas.

And just how much time do we waste arguing over stupid things, Conservatives versus liberals, gun control, changes to hunting regulations, and even religion. Perhaps that time could be spent on better things.
About a year ago, my wife went for an examination, women things, and some tests came back that concerned her doctor. As a result, she ended up undergoing a hysterectomy. They said everything was clear, but she was still having issues that took her to the doctor in the first place. Back last winter she went to see her doctor about sever lower back pain. She was given a prescription for muscle relaxants and told it would go away. It didn’t, and she ended up going to the emergency department where with no examination she was told it was sciatica, go see her family doctor. Eventually her doctor sent her for an MRI. She had barely gotten home from the MRI when her doctor called and wanted to see her the next day. Not sciatica, not back issues, it was cancer.

She was in for a CAT scan the next day, and it was confirmed. A biopsy was scheduled, but unlike high ranking politicians, it wasn’t for several weeks. The results were bad, stage 4, radiation treatment was an option, not for a cure, or even to slow it, just for pain relief.

While radiation provided some relief, the cancer is advancing quickly. She has started Chemo, but even with that, she only has 6 to 8 months, if she is lucky.

I’m not here looking for sympathy, only to warn others not to make the mistakes I have made. We have been married for close to 40 years, and the past 20 years I have spent travelling all over North America for work. Things would be scheduled for family events, something would go wrong someplace, I’d cancel the event and head out on the road. I missed birthdays, anniversaries, I was even on the road when my mother passed away. I cancelled more appointments with specialists when something came up at work, appointments hat had taken 6 to 8 months to get in to see a doctor.

Phone calls for support would come in during meals, I would leave the table and take the call. Supper would be on the table when I would call home to say that I would be a couple of hours late. I’d travel, leaving Sunday afternoon to be onsite Monday morning, and I catch the last flight back to Toronto Friday nights, or a red eye back for Saturday morning.

OF course, with all the travel, come time off, I just wanted to sit around the house, or do the things that I wanted. A 120 year old home we have been in for 20 years, and the renovations still aren’t finished. The laundry room that was desperately in need of repairs, I started the work last winter, it still isn’t finished. But when worked called, I had a 20 minute rule, keep a bag packed. I thought nothing of going to work for a normal day, but then heading home, grabbing my bag, and off to the airport. Didn’t matter what was happening at home, work always seemed to come first.

And now all I have left with my wife is a few months. What I wouldn’t give to have just some of that time back. So be warned, start now, spend the time with your family, your friends, your loved ones, because you will never know just how little time you have left.

Paul

Not much I can say Paul but the advise your giving is good . All the best to you and your wife . It's a hard road .

TD

Thanks for the reminder and words of wisdom Paul.

I'm extremely sorry that they're coming from such a place of pain for you.

It sounds like you're facing some fairly deep regrets - understandable, of course. I just hope you're not beating yourself up unfairly and are able to make every remaining second with your wife count.

So sorry to hear....
God Bless

I'm only 34 but my life will be changing dramatically next year, including voluntarily giving up an excellent career that I spent 8 years in university to obtain (and that I enjoy). But I've only got one go around in this life and it's time to start doing it more 'my way'. This will include more opportunity to spend time with those I love, doing how we want to and working way less.

I am very sorry to hear about your wife, but if nothing else, your post is a reminder/confirmation to me that these things are extremely important and I thank you for that. I hope and wish you and your wife have an amazing time left together.

Paul, I can only express my sorrow for your wife's health issues! My wife of 48 years is a 5-year survivor of cancer and I have tried to make every day count.

God Bless!

Pete

So sorry for you and your wife. Retiring early 2 years ago with my wife was one of the best decisions I have ever made. You never know where life will take you.

Paul, what could I say to express my deep sorrow I feel for you. I took some advice from Garth Brooks and tell my wife everyday how I feel about her.

Paul: we can never change what has taken place only what will. I am sure you worked to bring good things for your family. We can only wish you and your wife all the best in these hard times. This is a reminder that life is short and not to let it get away from you. We are all guilty of putting work or hobbies in front of the ones we love, we all need a reality check sometimes and give the ones we love a big hug and spend some quality time.

so sorry to hear! my gfs aunt who she is vary close to has had breast cancer 2 times now, and has just had a close scare. I have learned early in life, family is the most important thing you will ever have!

Im very sorry to hear this.

I have a close family member who was diagnosed, and told she had 6-8 months, 4 years ago. Stay strong.

S.

Paul, I'm very sorry to hear about your wife. Both of you will be in my prayers.

Very sorry to hear Paul, while I understand your point of view, you can't beat yourself up too badly. You did what you had to do, to provide.

We've swapped a few war stories, and lead very similar lives when it comes to work. While it is difficult to miss dinners, birthdays, events, etc. We do it, so that we can provide.

Could we find other jobs, that kept us home, sure we could have, but what suffers in turn for not doing something that's a combination of what you like to do, what you're good at doing, and what provides opportunities for the family.

More time at home, but possibly, less quality time, and time spent being un happy instead.

Allot of people thing the road life is glamorous, nice hotels, meals out all the time, entertaining clients, and sometimes, it is. They don't see the side like you are describing now.

I wish nothing but the best for you and your wife, and have no doubt every minute from now will be spent cherishing one another, and the family.

I am sure you are probably filled with guilt, but remember, we can't do what we do out there, without a good base, and that is your wife, she did it to support her husband, who she loves and cherishes, and I am willing to bet, she'd do it all over again. Don't hold yourself responsible, I highly doubt she does.

Let the past be that, and live for the now.

All the best Paul,

Jason.

You are right about "time". Don't be sorry about the post, it touched many of our lives.

Paul, our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Best wishes and may God bless.

Paul, what's important isn't time, it's those who are closest to us. They are all that matter in life.

I learned my lessons six years ago, where in the span of 6 months I "lost" everything that I used to think was important ( $$, monster home, possessions, career, etc) and that was while I was waiting for the surgery to save my life and I didn't know if I'd see my kids at Christmas 2009. Between the fall of 2008 and the spring of 2009 (April 30th when I went under). I "lost" everything Id worked 20 years for (90% of my net worth) including my "family", and almost my life. Feb 23rd 2009 was the day I came home to an empty house and dear john letter.

It can have up to an 80% recurrence rate and has a high association with malignancy and finality. I've lived with that for 6 years, will always live with that. I don't lose any sleep at the prospect not then, not now. These days, I don't sweat much nor take anything/anyone for granted.

What's important, is that your there with her as you always have been (if not in body, then spirit), and will be. Take it from someone whose "been there". Not honey do's that weren't, not the past, nor the future….. but the present.

edit add
Nicely said Jason.

You are right, many of us like to argue here. What we are though is a community of sorts and likely all agree on the most important things and mostly that's family. In my redneck world that trumps everything as it does in most of the people I love to poke here. Be there for your family, in the end its pretty well our most important job on this earth. Im not really one to pray but I do make exceptions. Be strong.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by PaulR

We go online to this site, we talk about hunting and fishing, things that we enjoy, things that make out lives more enjoyable. We share our good fortune and our missed shots with others with similar interests. We share our knowledge with others, and learn from others, and that is good.

We also have the off topic area where the discussion turns to everything from politics, religion, government, and laws. Some of the longest post seem to be in the off topic area, and also where the greatest number of arguments start. I haven’t checked, but I’d be willing to bet that there are more locked threads in Off Topics than in any other areas.

And just how much time do we waste arguing over stupid things, Conservatives versus liberals, gun control, changes to hunting regulations, and even religion. Perhaps that time could be spent on better things.
About a year ago, my wife went for an examination, women things, and some tests came back that concerned her doctor. As a result, she ended up undergoing a hysterectomy. They said everything was clear, but she was still having issues that took her to the doctor in the first place. Back last winter she went to see her doctor about sever lower back pain. She was given a prescription for muscle relaxants and told it would go away. It didn’t, and she ended up going to the emergency department where with no examination she was told it was sciatica, go see her family doctor. Eventually her doctor sent her for an MRI. She had barely gotten home from the MRI when her doctor called and wanted to see her the next day. Not sciatica, not back issues, it was cancer.

She was in for a CAT scan the next day, and it was confirmed. A biopsy was scheduled, but unlike high ranking politicians, it wasn’t for several weeks. The results were bad, stage 4, radiation treatment was an option, not for a cure, or even to slow it, just for pain relief.

While radiation provided some relief, the cancer is advancing quickly. She has started Chemo, but even with that, she only has 6 to 8 months, if she is lucky.

I’m not here looking for sympathy, only to warn others not to make the mistakes I have made. We have been married for close to 40 years, and the past 20 years I have spent travelling all over North America for work. Things would be scheduled for family events, something would go wrong someplace, I’d cancel the event and head out on the road. I missed birthdays, anniversaries, I was even on the road when my mother passed away. I cancelled more appointments with specialists when something came up at work, appointments hat had taken 6 to 8 months to get in to see a doctor.

Phone calls for support would come in during meals, I would leave the table and take the call. Supper would be on the table when I would call home to say that I would be a couple of hours late. I’d travel, leaving Sunday afternoon to be onsite Monday morning, and I catch the last flight back to Toronto Friday nights, or a red eye back for Saturday morning.

OF course, with all the travel, come time off, I just wanted to sit around the house, or do the things that I wanted. A 120 year old home we have been in for 20 years, and the renovations still aren’t finished. The laundry room that was desperately in need of repairs, I started the work last winter, it still isn’t finished. But when worked called, I had a 20 minute rule, keep a bag packed. I thought nothing of going to work for a normal day, but then heading home, grabbing my bag, and off to the airport. Didn’t matter what was happening at home, work always seemed to come first.

And now all I have left with my wife is a few months. What I wouldn’t give to have just some of that time back. So be warned, start now, spend the time with your family, your friends, your loved ones, because you will never know just how little time you have left.

Paul

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I'm very sorry to hear of your wife's plight and I absolutely feel your pain and frustration. Cancer has taken almost my whole family-father and sister,both at a very young age and mother,a few years ago. Needless to say,me and my kids get checked every year. So far,so good.....touch wood. I'll certainly keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Great strides are always being made in the fight against this terrible disease,so,there's always hope. Good Luck and God bless!

Paul, never regret your pass but instead enjoy everyday as it was your last. Unfortunately, in my line of work I see the sadness and sorrow in peoples eyes each and every day especially when I visit a cancer centre (again tomorrow morning). Cherish what you have accomplished and I'm sure with the blessing of your loving spouse for the last 40 years. Just think for a moment that the table could easily be reversed. We are here for a short time, not a long one. I also have cancer in my immediate family with my sister and her 2 boys living without a large intestine. They make the best of trying to live a normal life each and every day.

Best wishes to you, your wife and family in this difficult moment.

I did the same about 20 yrs ago and was doing the same career path. A brush with the almighty solved that. Do not regret… only spend quality time from this point forward. You are good provider and did what was necessary in life. You have a chance to shower the love and respect from this point forward. If you feel down, just remember you have time now to spend that time. Sometimes it happens so fast with accidents and strokes and so many people never get the chance to say the things they always wanted to say or do. You have that time and you should use it to fullest. Take care and my thoughts are with you and yours.

Paul i can sympathize with your situation as i lost my wife to cancer a few years back and regret not doing some of the things we wanted to do as she was healthy as a horse until she suddenly took sick and was diagnosed with cancer and was gone 10 months later...even though i have moved on with my life there isn't a day that goes by that i don't think of here and always wonder 'what if'? Make the most of the time you have and you just never know when your time will be up..take care...Mike

Wow....such a moving post PaulR. So much truth and sadness there.

I sincerely wish you nothing but happiness, love, laughs and memories in the precious time you have left with your wife. I will certainly jug my wife and kids a little tighter tonight after reading this.

After an incident on this forum I said I would never post again, but this is the exception

PaulR
your post was very emotional and inspiring and I wish everything in my being that things turn around, and go well for you both.
Always look forward, never back, and enjoy every second like there will never be another. like someone else on here said I am not much for praying but mine will be with you both.

Paul

It is tough, don't look at the time left, look at the time together now. I know one couple that suffered down a long road of his illness, the doctor gave the wife some medication for the stress, she reacted and was dead a couple hours later. None of us know how long that road is, I maybe shouldn't have started out with the depressing but look, I recently saw David Mainse on 100 Huntley, he was given 2 to 3 months... almost 3 years ago and he just road his motorcycle from Florida to Hamilton and says he feels great. At church last month one person asked to pray for a young friend, he had stage 2 cancer and was going in for more tests in 3 weeks... 3 weeks later she was back with a praise report...there was no sign of any cancer.

Prayer, eating right, exercise, fun, laughter, companionship .... those are good now, don't let a doctors diagnosis interfere with the now you have together. My prayers are with you two.

My thoughts and prayers are with you , your wife and all who are close to you. I was in a very tragic accident four years ago and broke my neck in five places leaving me almost paralyzed with a brain injury. It was a amazing miraculous recovery and feel truly blessed by all the people in my life that pulled together taking care of my wife and children during this time. I firmly believe in enjoying life to the fullest especially with family , friends and co-workers. If you ever need to talk please do not hesitate to PM me so we can meet face to face over a coffee to talk .

God Bless

They gave my wife 6 to 8 months, I guess she beat the odds, but today she got her final relief. I lost my best friend today after over 38 years.

Sorry for your loss.

Yes, very sorry for your loss..

Sad to hear Paul. Strength to you and your remaining family.

Sincere and deepest condolences to you and your family Paul.

Very sorry for your loss Paul.
Couldn't even begin to imagine.

FSHN 247
Jay

Paul
Thank you for the post. I think it is safe to say that it has touched many and collectively brought many to pause, reflect and take stock of what is really important.
I must confess that though I don't know you personally I am deeply saddened for your loss. At times like this I am often without words since they often seem to be inadequate to express the profound feelings that one endures in such a situation. My prayers for you and your family and a hope that the healing begins soon.
Dave

My deepest condolences,Paul. We never have a crystal ball with life. It changes in a heartbeat.

Very sorry for your loss Paul, words are hard to put together in times like this and one must really sit back and think about all the good in life and remember the great times we have shared with family and friends. Take care of the ones we love the most as life is too precious and way too short.

We never know about tomorrow. Hang in there....

So sorry for your loss.

Sorry to hear of your loss, I just can't think of anything else to say. In time you will look back but right now... sorry to hear of your loss.

So sorry Paul, nothing else really matters.

My condolences to you and your family.

Paul - I know how you feel - having gone through the same thing 18 years ago - I know that there isn't anything that can be said to ease the pain - they say that grief is the price we pay for loving someone - how true - the next year or so will be the hardest - things will get somewhat better as time goes on - but things will never be the same - after all these years I still think of my wife just about every day - I'm very sorry Paul - I will keep you in my prayers

Condolences Paul.

Sorry for your loss Paul. After 38 years she will never truly leave you. You will carry some of her with you wherever you are.

Sorry to hear of your loss Paul. After 38 years it's hard to say goodbye.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by PaulR

They gave my wife 6 to 8 months, I guess she beat the odds, but today she got her final relief. I lost my best friend today after over 38 years.

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So sorry to hear PaulR. My sincere condolences.

My sincere condolences PaulR.

Words are never enough so instead.
/thoughts

So very sorry to hear this.

Our thoughts are with you....

I'm sorry Paul, how very sad.

Sorry for your loss Paul

Very sorry for your loss Paul.

F U C K cancer!

No words are enough Paul.
Deepest sympathy from myself and my family.

sorry to hear paul

Very sorry to hear Paul, I hope you and family are doing as well as possible at a time like this.

i don't contribute much on here but i want to offer my sympathies. Lost my Dad a couple months ago to cancer and i feel your pain.

My condolences to you and your family in this very tough time.

So sorry Paul.

I just saw you post Paul because I am a fairly new member. I am so sorry to hear about your wife and my condolences to you and your family at this very sad time in your lives. I have been battling cancer for 4 years now, and didn't think it was possible at 45 to have colorectal cancer so Dr's never thought to have a scope done. If I've learned anything, it is that every single day is a gift and I am so grateful just to wake up each morning. I have 2 ex's and no children, but I care for my ailing mom and tell my 3 brothers and 1 sister, as well as tons of nieces and nephews that I love them, every chance I get. Those of us that are battling these brutal fkn diseases are given a unique gift, it is the perspective that money, property and prestige are really of no importance to me at all. Being useful to somebody who needs my help, or just being there for somebody to tell me their troubles, is sometimes the best gift of all. Being selfless and loving, tolerant and kind, and living each day in the realization that it's a gift, not a promise, has made me so grateful. For all the others who read these posts, please get yourself checked if you have ANY concerns. Don't settle for less than the best tests available, and if ANY history of cancer in the family, colonostopy and other tests should start by 40, not 50! Sorry again Paul for your loss.