Helen - Get Me A Beer

My father-in-law was an old time coal miner - he actually started working in the mines when he was a kid - working as a breaker boy - picking the slate out of the coal as it passed on a conveyor belt - he's been gone a long time now but he was one of a kind - I always got a kick out of the way he acted around his house - he was the king - no bones about it - my mother-in-law tended to him like a baby - when he wanted to take a bath she would fill the tube up for him and lay out the towels - then when he was done he would leave the bathroom and she would empty the tube and clean up - whenever I visited he would always tell his wife Helen to get me a beer - she would always ask him what he wanted to eat and go overboard to give him what he wanted -

After the mines closed down he got a job in NJ near where I was living at the time - one time I was heading home to Pa so I waited after work to give him a ride home - after waiting a couple hours he finally shows up - half under the weather - well anyway we ride home to Pa - half way there he wants to stop in a gin mill - he calls his wife up -its around midnight - he tells her he wants some pork chops when he gets home - we get to his house around 2am and sure enough there are pork chops waiting for us

Now you might say that the old boy was terrible - but you know something - that's how things were in those days - that was pretty much average in the coal fields - the guys worked very hard and drank very dark and were very strict with their families - the men were the kings in the house - the poor wife had to settle on being the queen -

The old boy drank like a fish and was a heavy smoker - but you know something - he lived to be 84 - I often wonder where he is now -

Isn't he dead?

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Originally Posted by flowerjohn

Isn't he dead?

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Ha I spit some beer out on that one haha

my grandfather did similar things,gramma use to have his supper ready on a TV tray in front of the tube at 6 pm. She made him a hot meal with a personal sized apple pie almost every night. It's just the way things were

My old man used to stand at the top of the stairs every single morning and holler at my mom for socks and underwear. Fifty six years they were married. Yeah the good old days. Lol

I had a friend whose father was very domineering in their house. Beat the kids and demanded respect. That friend has since turned out to be similar and treats his wife and kids in like fashion.
The good old days and the good old ways ain't always that great

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Originally Posted by Jow

Ha I spit some beer out on that one haha

my grandfather did similar things,gramma use to have his supper ready on a TV tray in front of the tube at 6 pm. She made him a hot meal with a personal sized apple pie almost every night. It's just the way things were

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My grandparents were much the same but they did have a long and happy marriage.

We were sent to a murder one night and there was "old Lord and Master" in his favorite chair in front of the TV with half his head gone and a bloody baseball bat sitting neatly beside him,his dutiful wife sitting by herself in the kitchen sipping a tea. I asked her what happened and all she said was "Thirty four years of his beatings and bulls**t and enough is enough." She got sent away for 14 months and she was out in 8.

My Grandfather was King around his house. Retired from GM and died quickly two years later. Grandmother continued to live by herself in the two story house until she moved to a home at 95. Lasted another eight years and enjoyed most of it..

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Originally Posted by trimmer21

We were sent to a murder one night and there was "old Lord and Master" in his favorite chair in front of the TV with half his head gone and a bloody baseball bat sitting neatly beside him,his dutiful wife sitting by herself in the kitchen sipping a tea. I asked her what happened and all she said was "Thirty four years of his beatings and bulls**t and enough is enough." She got sent away for 14 months and she was out in 8.

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The jays could use her.

I think we are all in agreement here that men are essentially a pain in the arse. !! Lol.

There are still men of that type around in this day and age.
A friend of mine born here in Canada but of European origin, still treats his wife that way, to him women are subservient to men.
His son to him is the greatest , but he treats his wife and daughter like dirt.

My grandfather would of gone hungry if he treated my grandmother that way. They were married for 70 years before my grandfather passed away at age 92 and my grandmother lived to 100. Both were from the Netherlands and had a very respectful upbringing.

My grandfather (on mom's side) was born in 1906, dirt poor to recent Irish immigrants. He was the oldest of 6 brothers and lived to 97.5.

He farmed, he blacksmithed, he did masonry, he laid railways, he worked in lumber camps and then he farmed again.

Through his entire life he treated everyone with kindness and respect. Never speaking ill of anyone, and regularly going out of his way to help others. In his 30s he gave away his entire life savings to help a family in need. In his early 40s he donated his farm house to another family in need, until they could get back on their feet.

He married my grandmother when he was 48, and he treated her the best of all. He doted on her and worked his butt off for her... and he appreciated her for everything she did for him. She was mangled and nearly killed in a car accident shortly after their 3rd kid was born. She never really was able to walk well or work after that, but he never faltered... he just did all his work and most of the "woman's work" too.

That, is a real man.

I love guys like this it makes for tons of eligible 40 something divorcees out there looking for a decent man :):)

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Originally Posted by skeeter1

I love guys like this it makes for tons of eligible 40 something divorcees out there looking for a decent man :):)

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Lol very true

However, most of them are no longer waiting till their 40s to get out.

How would you like to be a woman in some of those Muslim countries - you do what the old man says or else - yes both spouses should love and respect each other and treat each other with kindness and concern - but you know something - some times its the opposite - the woman is the boss and calls the shots in the house - when that happens it is terrible - nothing worst than a wimpy husband -

The only time a man needs to take over is when a major decision that will affect the family has to be made - it shouldn't happen often but there are times when the wife and husband can't agree on some particular important matter - then the man should call the shots - that's the way it should be - you don't need to say it or even ever bring it up but when the chips are down the man is the head of the family - even the bible says that - it just natural - nothing worst then a woman with a big mouth -

LOL JoepA EXPECT SOME BACKLASH !

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Originally Posted by sawbill

I had a friend whose father was very domineering in their house. Beat the kids and demanded respect. That friend has since turned out to be similar and treats his wife and kids in like fashion.
The good old days and the good old ways ain't always that great

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That's for sure. My dad was a violent alcoholic (6 years overseas in WW2 did that damage), who beat Mom and sexually abused the girls. Thanks be to God, my sister and I have done great , broke the chain of marrying a similar husband, and have had happy lives with minimal baggage.
One brother has done great and raised a wonderful family; one brother turned out just like Dad; 2 other brothers died before 17 .

No women's shelters in those days, police didn't care about women getting beaten. Mom died at 54 and I was glad she was released from her hell on earth. One day we'll reunite.

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Originally Posted by JoePa

How would you like to be a woman in some of those Muslim countries - you do what the old man says or else - yes both spouses should love and respect each other and treat each other with kindness and concern - but you know something - some times its the opposite - the woman is the boss and calls the shots in the house - when that happens it is terrible - nothing worst than a wimpy husband -

The only time a man needs to take over is when a major decision that will affect the family has to be made - it shouldn't happen often but there are times when the wife and husband can't agree on some particular important matter - then the man should call the shots - that's the way it should be - you don't need to say it or even ever bring it up but when the chips are down the man is the head of the family - even the bible says that - it just natural - nothing worst then a woman with a big mouth -

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I'm not even going to touch the Muslim comment. It's obvious you know nothing about being Muslim. Women run the home.
Thank heavens my grandmother took charge of her house. Especially when the chips were down -- and usually a result of my grandfather's idiotic, alcohol hazed decisions. Sometimes a strong woman is the only reason the family survives.
Joe, you really need to go visit your dad. You are a dinosaur ... Surviving only because you reside in rural PA.

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Originally Posted by sawbill

I had a friend whose father was very domineering in their house. Beat the kids and demanded respect. That friend has since turned out to be similar and treats his wife and kids in like fashion.
The good old days and the good old ways ain't always that great

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I'll Amen that

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Originally Posted by C.A. in TO

I'm not even going to touch the Muslim comment. It's obvious you know nothing about being Muslim. Women run the home.
Thank heavens my grandmother took charge of her house. Especially when the chips were down -- and usually a result of my grandfather's idiotic, alcohol hazed decisions. Sometimes a strong woman is the only reason the family survives.
Joe, you really need to go visit your dad. You are a dinosaur ... Surviving only because you reside in rural PA.

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I know that because we're a leftist province we let some from other provinces in, but . Other countries? And with tude like ole joe?

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Originally Posted by C.A. in TO

I'm not even going to touch the Muslim comment. It's obvious you know nothing about being Muslim. Women run the home.
Thank heavens my grandmother took charge of her house. Especially when the chips were down -- and usually a result of my grandfather's idiotic, alcohol hazed decisions. Sometimes a strong woman is the only reason the family survives.
Joe, you really need to go visit your dad. You are a dinosaur ... Surviving only because you reside in rural PA.

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Well said ! Two thumbs up !

Aww guys, don't go too hard on JoePa. Honestly, I get a real kick out of the folks who claim to hate Muslims (and many other cultures) for their treatment of women... And then pine for the times it was socially acceptable for us men to do the same here.

It's a special kind of logic you don't find too many places outside of OODMag forums.

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Originally Posted by C.A. in TO

I'm not even going to touch the Muslim comment. It's obvious you know nothing about being Muslim. Women run the home.
Thank heavens my grandmother took charge of her house. Especially when the chips were down -- and usually a result of my grandfather's idiotic, alcohol hazed decisions. Sometimes a strong woman is the only reason the family survives.
Joe, you really need to go visit your dad. You are a dinosaur ... Surviving only because you reside in rural PA.

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That is so true.

I think it is a very emotionally and intellectually weak person that finds it necessary to control another in a relationship regardless of being male or female. Equal and complimentary is the only way to be.

Do any of you have friends from First Nations families? I sure do and believe me "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the roost" isn't just rhetoric.

I'll let my buddy Clark speak for me - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4HPnio2wyA

Come on guys - I know that the woman in the house is the one that takes care of the day to day goings on of the family - that's the traditional role of the woman - that's not the point I was making - traditionally the woman stayed home and ran the house - taking care of the kids - and the man worked and bought home the necessary means to support the family - the husband and the wife compliment each other but do have different roles to play - sure there are times when these roles didn't work out because one of the partners didn't do their job correctly - the point I was making was that the man's role was to be the head of the family - that's all - he was to protect and provide for his family - the wife had her role which was just as important but of a different kind -

Now a days in a lot of houses both parents have to work and things can get a little mixed up - but that doesn't necessarily mean that the basic roles have to change - the woman doesn't all of a sudden become the head of the family and carries the role of protecting the family - she may have to provide for the family but that's another story - to many times when we discuss things like this people bring up situations that are not the norm and take off with it - remember there was a time when divorce was just about non existent - I remember when a couple got married - Mary do you take Joe to be your wedded husband to love and obey - for better or worst until death do you part - I do -

I hate to tell you,JoePa,but,the word "obey" has been removed from every marriage rite in every church in North America. It's not PC,anymore,you know.LOL

Well I do not know what you have to "protect" them from, American thing I guess? And far too often women were intimidated into staying in the marriage by the husband, those times are hopefully on the way out. We used to burn suspected witches at the stake, point is just because it used to be so doesn't mean it was right.

In our house we both do what needs to be done to make things work - there certainly is no delegating who does what or who is supposed to do what. I help with the kids, laundry, cleaning, taking out the trash, cutting the grass, shoveling the snow, driving the kids to school, sports, etc - as does my wife. If that makes me a whimpy man in your eyes - that is fine with me. My wife works hard to provide for our family and there is no way I would expect her to take on a "traditional role" nor would I want her to. In our house she is the rock and I am not afraid to admit that at all.

Let's just agree that each relationship is different from the other, times have changed and move on.

Role playing - like " Im the man and therefore I am the boss" is stupid. Men and women have different personalities. Not all men are macho he-men and want to be the boss. If they are, they better marry a subserviant woman that is happy to serve her husband. I know many married men that are happy to have a woman take the lead role. It suits their collective pesonalities. Whatever works.

Heaven help the day I need a certain roll to feel secure in who and what I am