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Thread: Posting Jokes

  1. #1
    Past Administrator

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    Exclamation Posting Jokes

    When posting jokes in the Off Topic forum please keep in mind that this is a family forum. We ask that any dis-tasteful, rude or inappropriate jokes be left off of it. Any that are deemed so will be removed. We do not want to discourage jokes in the forum as we are all in need of a good laugh but we just ask that you be considerate of others and keep them "clean".

    Your cooperation is greatly appreciated.

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  3. #2
    Needs a new keyboard

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    if my football fan is a no no ...just dump it
    It isn,t how you do it,its how you did it

  4. #3
    Has all the answers

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    I haven't seen a joke on here in ages. That's funny!

  5. #4
    Just starting out

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    Well here's one that should be appropriate.

    Actual writings from hospital charts

    1. The patient refused autopsy.

    2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

    3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

    4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

    5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

    6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

    7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

    8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

    9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

    10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male,
    Mentally alert but forgetful.

    11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

    12. She is numb from her toes down.

    13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

    14. The skin was moist and dry.

    15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

    16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

    17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size Thyroid.

    18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

    19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

    20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

    21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

    22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

    23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

    24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

    25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

  6. #5
    Member for Life

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    ^^^^talk about instilling trust in our medical professionals.
    How is it one careless cigarette can cause a forest fire, but it takes a whole box of matches to light a campfire?

  7. #6

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    Which one of King Arthur's knights invented the round table?
    Sir Cumference.

  8. #7
    Has all the answers

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    Last edited by IFH; March 18th, 2020 at 03:54 AM.

  9. #8
    Has all the answers

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    A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors.
    He also invited Leroy, the only Redneck in the neighborhood.
    He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.
    Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.
    At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 10 foot man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in.
    The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash. Everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!
    Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its rear! Leroy was jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.
    The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising heck.
    Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish.
    Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.
    Finally the host says, 'Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.'
    'No, that's okay. I don't want It,' said Leroy.
    The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?'
    No thanks, I don't want it,' answered Leroy.
    The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?'
    Again Leroy said no.
    Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well, Leroy, then what do you want?'
    Leroy said, 'I want the name of the sumbich who pushed me in the pool!'

  10. #9
    Has too much time on their hands

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    Sent from my SM-A520W using Tapatalk
    "where a man feels at home, outside of where he's born, is where he's meant to go"
    ​- Ernest Hemingway

  11. #10
    Member for Life

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    Best comic ever. Laugh everytine I see the little spider hiding in the grass haha

    Sent from my SM-G781W using Tapatalk
    "If guns cause crime, all of mine are defective."

    -Ted Nugent

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